Being Bipolar Is A Disease (Part 1 & 2)

I am happy.
I don't know why.
I am sad.
I don't know why.





I am laughing.
Nothing is funny.
I want to die.
Nothing is wrong.

Ode To My Bloody Razor Blade

Because you cause me so much pain yet so much happiness
Because you give me something to look forward to
Because you make me feel needed
Without me you would be sharpening pencils
Because you give me a sense of control
but most of all
Because you're there for me when no one else is

Leaving

I'm leaving you
I still love you
but it's time for me to go
I'm not healthy here
You're not healthy when I'm here

I've thought about it long and hard
This was not an easy desicion to make
I've only been here less that two years
but everyday I get worse
You've made your point
I'm a hard child
You don't want me
Don't deny it
You've said it yourself

It's time for me to leave
and that's what I plan to do.

She Cries

Her blood drips,
falling to the floor
without making a sound
as do her tears.
They race each other to the floor
who will get there first.
Blood or Tears?

She cries and bleeds
never releasing the blood-stained knife
She clutches it tightly
until it cuts through her skin.
Finally dropping it,
she screams.
Holding her wounded hand
against her heart, she cries harder
louder!
not because of the wound in her hand
but because of the hole in her heart.

What Is Happiness? I Don't Remember

So bored
with nothing to do,
She opens her notebook
and writes.
She writes about her life,
her sorrows,
her regrets.
She tries to remember what it was like
being happy.
It's been so long.
She rememberes smiling,
laughing till tears shot out of her eyes,
but she just can't remember why.
What made her so happy?
She wishes she knew
so she could bring back the smiles
and the laughter.
Like an old friend
"Come back to me"
She cries
"I need you"
She yells.
She doesn't have much time.
Thoughts of suicide swarm inside her head.

So Many Questions

So many questions
They flash through my mind
Like lightning
I've been hit
It only lasts a second
But the scars remain forever
I am ruined
Never again to be called perfect
I'll never forget
And i'll never quite remember
How bad it hurt
I just have the evidence
Where is my memory
My thoughts
My feelings
Where am I
Who am I
Shouldn't I know these answers
So why don't I
What's wrong with me
Everything
Fine I can accept that but I still have one question left
If I'm so messed up
Do I deserve to live
I am not a human
I am a mistake
A screw-up
Everyone I meet, I ruin
So do I deserve to live
Or should I just
Go